knew VSED was his last decision, a choice he had control of, and that would provide the only sense of peace for him during a time when his disease had taken over all other parts of his life.

 When we met with hospice to plan for taking my dad home for his final weeks, we talked about bringing in a Doula and we talked about Wendy’s inspiring story. I had no idea what that would look or feel like to have a Doula with us through this experience, yet we were all scared and unsure about what to expect with the VSED experience overall. One of our hospice nurses suggested that I reach out to Wendy to ask her if she would be willing to work with us. I couldn’t imagine actually calling Wendy directly- she had just lost her own mother, and it seemed very presumptuous to call and ask her if she would want to work with my family when I didn’t even know her. 

I was so uncomfortable looking up the information for Minnesota Death Collaborative. Who do I ask for? What do I say? I ended up leaving a message on a general line and that felt even worse. So, then I decided to look up Wendy’s information and I called her directly, and I left a long message on her voicemail, telling her “the story of my dad” and that we were going to bring him home in a few days and we wanted to see if she could help us. Somehow that call felt totally different even though I didn’t know her at all. Wendy called me back very shortly and from the very first moment we spoke on the phone, it felt like she was sent to work with us. She became one of the most important pieces of the planning and support for my dad and my family. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if we didn’t have her with us.

 Wendy set up a meeting with everyone that was going to be with my dad during the process and with the hospice staff. She helped us understand what to expect and she helped us set boundaries. Most important, she met my dad and made him feel so comfortable with every single part of the process. She brought over everything bags and boxes of resources and items to make my dad feel comfortable, resources to support our family through the VSED process and to support our emotions. She asked questions and made phone calls for us. She advocated and made sure we were getting the medications we needed and the equipment we were supposed to get in a timely manner. Without Wendy, we had no idea what we should have expected.

 Wendy dedicated herself to supporting our family when we most needed her. She checked in with me and my mom to know when to come over and we made sure the right people were there to be together. She worked with us to create beautiful celebrations/ceremonies to honor my dad together. Our family had the most beautiful moments with my dad together during his final days. We surrounded him at his bedside and we were able to share and honor him together. We felt very fortunate to give him such respectful and loving final days, and it provided our family a beautiful way to celebrate my dad and say goodbye together. It was a really difficult time and Wendy was with us through it all. She still is with us and checks in and supports us as needed ongoing.

 As we reflect on such a challenging and difficult journey, my whole family says, having Wendy with us was one of the most important and best decisions we made. We are thankful that we had her support, knowledge and care. With highest regard and recommendation, Nicole G